So let me give you a little background info on myself. I’m rather tall, 6′4. I tend to attract very weird situations. This one, is quite the odd one, and because of this situation, I am really afraid of midgets.
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I awake to the screams of my stupid alarm clock. Oh how I hate that thing “WAKE UP, WAKE UP, It’s 11 O CLOCK”. I just want to beat that thing silly.
Anyway, waking up from my usual midnight slumber into the afternoon is the way I go. I’m a nightowl. It takes me a while to wake up, so I just start staring at the wall. Then I realize it’s gym day, so I go to the kitchen and make some oatmeal with creatine in it.
When I’m done, I get dressed and start to run to the gym. It takes about 10 minutes to run there.
Once I got there, I did my usual stuff; went to this one corner, start to stretch, drink some water, and then grab a weight.
Once I grabbed the weight, I started to do some hammer curls. All was good and typical untill this happened. I felt a tap on my waist. I turn around expecting to see somebody. I don’t see anybody and I’m like, wtf mate?
Here is where it gets bad. And this is where I started to shit myself crying.
“Hey, down here!” in a tiny mouse-like voice.
(Oh fuck I thought to myself)
“Hey, erm… hi!”
“Uhh..what’s up?”
Nothing has happened yet, but for some reason, a 4′3 midget girl, and a 6′4 guy seems to have attracted everybodies attention from the gym. I mean seriously, everyone just STOPPED what they were doing to watch the sight. For all they knew, we were friends and knew eachother. But, if they thought that… they’d be wrong.
“Would you… like to go out for lunch sometime babe?”
If you could only see how my neck twitched when I heard this.
“Uhh, no…” oh this was waaay to awkward now.
“How big are you?”
“I’m.. umm… 6′4 . yeah….”
“No silly… I mean UP HERE –”
In an instants time, this midget girl takes her hand and GROPES MY CROTCH!
I don’t know about you, but when an entire gym is watching, staring at you, and a midget girl GROPES YOUR NUTS, you just want to fall over and die, while your dick shrivels in the insides and cries.
You want to know the worst part? I felt the stubby little fingers prickling all over my nuts and saw everybody either laughing or compeltely speechless.
Want to know my reaction? I screamed… like a little girl, and I RAN OUT OF THE GYM WITH ALL THE SPEED IN THE WORLD!
And that was the end of that story.
The sad part is, this wasn’t my last confrontation with midgets that violate me, only my first. I’ve had way to many.
I may write them later. They include, midget army wearing lobster hats wanting to buy jewelry from me, and midget pimp headbutting me in the crotch at hollywood walk(You know, the famous hollywood walk, where you see all the stars? Yeah…)
Ready. Set. Go.
In terms of the formatting, you're allowed to use markdown, textile, or basic html; it's truly up to you -- what strikes your fancy?
You don't have to worry about your e-mail address being sold to a russian-spam-mafia. I'm only going to use it for my own weird needs; like asking you out for a date on a lonely night of coding.